I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
