weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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