Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
A bitchslap is in order.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
