exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
