one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
