3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel like a drive thru vagina
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
