Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
