Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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