you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
