I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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