If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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