i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
