According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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