should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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