just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
