why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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