Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
