You're so nebulous sometimes
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
