I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
