# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
