Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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