I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
