im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm jealous of your bromance
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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