Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
