are you so shy because you have an std?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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