The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
