I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
