she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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