This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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