idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
