no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
