Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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