..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
