come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
