dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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