I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
