Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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