my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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