I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
