Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
