I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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