....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
