Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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