just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
