No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
