sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
