Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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