Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
