cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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