He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
