Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
