new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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