MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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