Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
