she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
