Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
