if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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