his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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