She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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