do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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