The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
