Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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